We are family.

My older brother, Simon, came for a treasured, albeit short visit on Friday. A quick meeting on his whirlwind trip 'home' from Germany, where many are vying for his attention. Just over 24 hours of hanging out, playing with kids, eating too much and togetherness.

I love togetherness. Family. Being with and caring for someone who's years are so intricately woven with your own. So much so, that I actually felt quite teary all afternoon and evening yesterday, after dropping him at the ferry. The kids were equally bummed out. Lane's blue eyes shining with tears.

I always marvel at how our relationship has developed. Considering it wasn't started conventionally. He, and my other brother Rick, are technically STEP brothers. The three of us, along with my little sister Genna, thrown together at the whim of our parents fancy. We were young. Aged 3 to 10. Us girls having known no father, being that our Mom and birth father separated before we retained any memories, with no lasting contact during our childhood years.  (I am extra blessed to now be close with that side of my family as well.)  Bringing us to the table with an essentially clean slate and no preconceived notions, emotions or wounds. For the boys...not so much. They were older. The had the memories of their parents being together, and, sadly, the pain of them not. I can't imagine how they felt. Their view or opinion of us. I know how I'd feel, as a Mom, having a new family in my kids' lives. Not happy. Let alone two little boys with huge feelings and no adult logic to see it from. Regardless, we made it. And, funnily enough, us four truly made it, beyond that marriage too.

As we sat and chatted and laughed together, my heart was happy. We may not be blood. But we have a bond, cemented with stories, shared memories, and good hearted ribbing, that makes us as much family, as anyone else, in ways that matter.

We remember, and can laugh now, at the tears and fear when 3 out of 4 of us became lost in Disneyland. At how then teenage Simon turned down a trip to Hawaii with the rest of us to stay home with a girl. At Ricky's gravity defying, bleached hair. My compulsion to rub my cheeks when excited. Genna's awful run of braces, headgear and surgeries. And our parents' union, marriage, divorce.

We've come through, in my opinion, so much richer for it all. 4 siblings. Nieces and nephews. Spouses and Inlaws. Years of laughter, stories, jokes, tears, drama. Good times and bad. But. Still together.

For that, I am forever grateful. Proud, blessed and happy to say I have one sister and two brothers.

Much love, to all three of you.

Smiles, Be well,

Crystal

Feeling cagey.

It has been awhile. I know that. Thanks to those who are still around and actually read this. :)

I'm feeling cagey lately. At odds. Unsettled. Like a walker incessantly banging into a chain link fence. (Shameless Walking Dead reference! Lol!).

On the brink of change....craving it really. But what? That's what I keep asking myself. I feel this yearning to be passionate about something. A cause, a goal, a reason to my days. No, this isn't discrediting my children. They are, and will always be, my world. But they are growing. Stretching THEIR wings. And not needing Mama quite so much. Leaving this Mama with time to reflect on herself, for the first time in a long time.

Oh the possibilities! Education, health and fitness, a job out of the house, a home based business, volunteering! How do I choose? How to make my mind settle? I suddenly feel like I want SO much.

It leaves me reeling. Unsettled. Shifty in my own skin.

But also so excited! Energized. Hopeful and optimistic.

What DOES the future hold for me? What say you, 2013?! I'm ready. Waiting and listening. With open ears, eyes and heart.

Lets DO this!

Smiles, Be well,

Crystal

Crazy is as crazy does?!

We hurled ourselves into the holiday spirit 100% yesterday.

After an overnight of dog sitting, (one was a bolter, which could be a whole other post),  we loaded into the van.  Giant list in hand.

Being that I hadn't thoroughly thought out our morning, we inconveniently hit the road all hungry and ready for lunch.  So, after barely passing go, we found ourselves in Quiznos; two blocks away.  Slowed us down slightly, but even I am not crazy enough to embark on christmas shopping with 3 HUNGRY kids. 

With full bellies we continued on to our first stop on the list: Michael's.  The place was packed, my kids were smitten with all the shiny, prominantly displayed goods, BUT were there ever deals to be had!  Woot!  So with only a few 'we aren't here shopping for you' statements, a mild disagreement over who was going to be in/on/pushing the cart, and an exasperated Madison re-organizing our picks in the cart so they soothed her OCD twitches, we left there with some mega deals (A gorgeous frame, regular $60 for $14, to name one!), 4 people crossed off my list, and a few things towards others.  Michael's 0 - Grove's 1.

Next up, Mayfair Mall.  Specifically Toys R Us, first and foremost. 

We spent what seemed like HOURS combing EVERY isle of that toy store.  Touching everything, pushing every button, lighting up all we could.  I kept my eyes open for ideas for a couple small people (other than my own) I'm shopping for, but the main idea was to finalize the 'Santa' letters.  All three of my kids had some ideas, but I wanted to broaden the horizon a bit, and honestly possibly sway one idea that I think a particular kid would have been disappointed with.  Maybe not fair, but when I'm going to buy whatever they actually want, I'd like to be sure it was an informed decision and hopefully not something that will be gathering just in the closet by New Years.

We left dazzled, worn out, thirsty and hungry (again!).  Sounds like a food court stop right?!  You betcha!  We shared a poutine and a couple Orange Julius smoothies.  Yum.

Refreshed we set out again and over the next couple hours checked out and shopped at West 49, Seeing is Believing, The Source, Aeropostale and Stitches.  Plus played with the remote control tanks and cars at a kiosk, watched a young boy play a baby grand piano, evaded the giant line to sit with Santa (bad Mama?!), listened in on a group of violinists and checked out the fish in a salt water aquarium.

By the time we headed back to the van I had found several more gifts, played with everything you can touch at Seeing is Believing and bought multiple items for the christmas crackers I am making for this years dinner.  Successful?  For the most part, yes.  Unfortunately, we had also covered biting, punching, scratching and tears too.  Those parts, not so fun. 

As we made our way out of the mass of cars in the parking lot, I had a crying and angry toddler and sulking tween.  Haha.  Good times.

Last stop on the way home was Save On Foods.  I had to grab something for dinner and wanted to hit up a few of their buy one/get one sales in my efforts to load up the freezers for over the holidays.  Everyone had composed themselves by then and it was a painless, and even fun at times, shop.  Resulting in more than I intended to get (this always happens, doesn't it?) but a whopping 'You saved $60' at the bottom of my receipt.  Again, woot!  Love good deals.

Our day ended with dinner, assembling some christmasy Michael's crafts (should have read the labels more carefully, there were close to 300 pieces between all 3!  Oops!), walking up the street to the most impressive christmas light display I've ever seen, popcorn, eggnog and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.

All in all?  Crazy?  Sure.  Rough spots?  Of course.  An overall awesome day with my 3 favorite little people that had our love and christmas tanks topped up to FULL?!  You better believe it. 

Smiles, Be Well, Crystal

Hint #467 you might have too much on your mind...

So. Being a stay at home Mom to 3 kids, while hubby is away in camp for weeks on end has me pretty busy. As you can imagine. I do my best, but certainly don't ever feel like I get it all done. But I'm okay with that. I think I have my priorities right in concentrating on happy, healthy, secure, well rounded kids first, laundry all folded and put away second. Right?!

I typically don't get terribly overwhelmed, and feel we manage quite fine. We certainly get into a nice routine.

But then things like what happened today, when doing the after school pick up come about. And I have to graciously digress. Lane was home with me today. No preschool. Which turned out to be a good thing, because he seems to have a flu bug. Whiny, clingy, pale and vomiting. Good times.

Then I get a call from the school. Madison herself. 'Mama, I don't feel very well'. After a doctors visit regarding her sore throat, she has been sent home waiting on the results to determine what sort of respiratory bug she has and to nurse the flu symptoms she has as well. Double good times.

 That leaves Lauren. Lovely middle child who never seems to catch anything. I credit that to her being a thumb sucker (still), and as gross as it is, getting her fill of germs to develop antibodies too. Gross to the germ exposure, enough already to the thumb sucking, but thank you for not usually making my sick kid quota 3 for 3.

Anyways, with only two at home, I still had to make a school run to gather number three. With all the craziness of my two sickies, time got away from me and I frantically leaped into the van and sped off once I realized I was running late. Upon arrival spots to park were scarce. Typically I'd park down the block and walk over. Imagine my surprise and embarrassment when it suddenly hit me that I had dashed out in my 'chore' clothes. And not just any chore clothes. Thread bare leggings with holes in them, an ancient tank top, NO bra and shoes I had slipped on that couldn't even begin to pull it all together. Awful. At best.

  So there I was, doing laps, with the window down, watching for Lauren to come out so I could (calmly and normally) yell at her to come out and meet me.

  Chalk up another 'A day in the life of a Mom' moment for me. A particularly lovely one, too. Lesson learned? Why not get dressed properly first thing in the morning for now on?

Smiles, Be well, Crystal

Toast, by any other name, is still just frickin' toast!

Good day fine followers and readers! I've popped in to toss out a quick post. A bone of sorts. With no commitments, other than to say, I am currently thinking in 'blog' mode again.

Let's see what comes of it, shall we?!

Now, to what I actually have to talk about.

Breakfast. More precisely; toast. Sounds simple, right? About the most basic of options, along with cereal I'd say. Well, don't assume anything. (We all know what that does, right? Makes an ASS out of U and ME. Haha.)

Sorry....sidetracked. As I was saying. Toast. For breakfast. Should be, and likely is for most, an easy breakfast option. I wish. Let me break down 'toast' as breakfast for the 3 smalls around here.

Take a deep breath...cause it's most immpresive said in one giant run on sentence....

3 pieces, 1 toasted, 2 not, 2 without crusts, 3 with peanut butter, 1 with banana, 1 with jam, 1 left whole, 1 cut in 4 squares, 1 cut in 2 triangles.

Whew! And no, I'm not even kidding in the slightest.

The real thrill of it all?! That on each and every morning, when 'toast' is the breakfast of choice, all 3 kids recite their preferences again for me. Raising their voices over each other and repeating themselves if they think I wasn't listening to any one in particular.

You should see what happens to poor Brad when he happens to be home and makes the silly mistake of offering breakfast. Cause he doesn't know ANYTHING! It's something like throwing a steak bone to a pack of rabid dogs.

Toast. An easy breakfast. Ha!

Mama. Do I have any other name?!

I have something to confess.

It's ridiculous, and took me a few days to figure out. (thank goodness I did, cause I thought I may be crazy for awhile!). I have back to school jitters. No, not about ME going to school. (Although, that will be a whole other rollcoaster I'm sure.). It's the kids going to school. Or, more specifically, LANE going to school.

My baby. My last. The last one to whom which I'm their whole world.

And I'm devastated.

I cry at Pampers commercials. At 'A baby story'. (Which I haven't watched since being pregnant with Madison, just thought I'd up the anti I guess). While I hold his hand and kiss his face while he sleeps. I'm generally a teary mess.

I KNOW he will love school. That it's good for him. That I survived the other two making the same first steps. That he will still need and want me in so many ways. That I will, in fact, and after adjustment, enjoy the short time of reprieve. Even that I NEED it. Yes, I know all this. But it still hurts.

I've even been yearning for another baby. Yup, THAT's how down I am. In 'have another' stage to fill the void. Yikes.

I suppose part of it being so much harder this time around, other than my baby growing up and stretching his wings, is what the hell am I other than a Mom?! For 10+ years now I've only thought, done, functioned for these 3 kids. What will I do? Where will I go? I don't even know where to begin. I feel lost. Scared. Over whelmed. I just have no idea where it leaves me.

Here I am presented with a big, HUGE playing field. Of what/who I am to become. For the first time in a LONG time I'm faced with wondering what I want. What I want to do. What I want to be. What I am, after, and as well as Mom.

Those are big questions. Ones I'm not accustomed to. Time to do some thinking and planning and dreaming.

Once I'm done crying.

Smiles, Be well,

Crystal

Easing out of summer...

Wow. August 31th. Already. Sigh. Another summer passing.

The chill in the evening air is definite. Windows are being closed. Jammies are being used. Extra blankets are unfolding out of cupboards. It's distinct and welcome. How I love to sleep in cooler air. No more hair stuck to a sweaty neck or puffy, blurry eyes in the morning. Yes, I do like these first hints that summer is coming to a close.

School is only 6 short days away. Grades 2 and 5 for the girls. Preschool for Lane. Back to regular bedtimes, alarm clocks, homework, scheduled activities and ROUTINE. I like routine. By this time of year I'm craving it. Yearning for it. It makes me feel comforted and safe.

I'm also planning soups, homemade breads and baked treats in my head. Dusting off the slow cooker and buying stew meat for the freezer. Wondering if everyone has slippers that still fit. Putting another blanket in the dogs crate. Hunkering down rituals I guess. Perhaps I would thrive in an actual cold climate?!

But I'm not quite ready to let summer go. Oh no. Not just yet. We took in a 'Movie Under the Stars' last night, are eating watermelon for breakfast and are heading to the beach this afternoon. While I welcome fall, I'm still squeezing every last drop out of summer. Soon enough I'll vacuum the sand out of the van, stow away the cooler and beach toys and no longer smell the heady scent of sunscreen and tanning oil. Not a minute too soon though. We will revel in these last few days of unscheduled, lazy, sun filled, sandy days of summer.

The last of the days before my 3 sweet little ones are grown up a whole year by a new grade status. Sob. That's a whole other post....

Smiles, Be Well,

Crystal