Today is the first day Brad is actually falling again. Due to some circumstances out of our control he ended up with his first 2 days off. So, while I felt I was adjusting well to him being gone, last night it kind of hit me. Not him being away. But his god forsaken line of work. It's scary. It's dangerous; second most after Alaskan crab fishing apparently. There are so many 'what ifs' that lurk up while I lay still in the dark trying to push them down and get some rest. Two major 'what ifs' are thankfully not part of this job. No helicopter or float plane rides. Hurray for that. The act of falling the trees is still so nerve racking though. Words like 'snag' and 'widow maker' do nothing to quell my unease. Yes, I feel assured he is good at what he does. Yes, I believe he won't put himself in a situation that isn't reasonable. But while I run these things through my mind, other, brutal scenarios still fight to rear their ugly heads. Sigh. It is what it is though. I'm sure after day one, and each subsequent day, my racing mind will quiet. The day to day of being home alone with three kids will take over more and more of my physical and mental energy. Leaving me to do nothing else but crash at the end of the day. I will welcome the fatigue with gratitude. Anything to put an end to the awful 'what ifs' playlist on repeat in my head.
Be safe, Brad.
Smiles, Be Well,
Crystal
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